The tabloids have stopped ranting against immigrants, evil foxes, social workers and the EU. That's because they have a new obsession: England's goalkeeper.
Unless you spent the weekend in outer space you may have heard that a clumsy mistake by untested goalie Green cost England the victory in their opening World Cup game against the US.
If an external observer were to make a guess on the basis of newspaper coverage, they would probably conclude that Green's clanger got England knocked out. Or maybe that it cost them the semi-final, the final or even the World Cup itself. Instead, it was only a 1-1 draw in the opening game.
Yet - as usual - hysteria and hyperactivity is reigning supreme amongst England's red tops.
For once though, the target is not immigrants, asylum seekers, social workers, killer foxes or the EU. It's Robert Green.
The country's "patriotic" tabloids are obviously unaware that all the pressure they're now cooking up is going to make the goalkeeper - and the whole team too - even more self-conscious and nervous. This, rather than Green's blunder on Saturday, may result in an early flight home.
Take a look at them.
The Sun dug up Green's sentimental past. In a piece called 'Robert Green: I've let nation down' (one of the many about the West Ham player), the tabloid happily announced that the goalkeeper "let his gorgeous girlfriend slip through his fingers just weeks before the South Africa tournament began". The report comes with a picture of his ex-girlfriend in a bikini.
The Daily Mail, still revelling in the BP-related Britain-v-US diplomatic spat, gives extra coverage to the so-called internet viral about "Soccer and oil spills" .
As it does its bit to keep the atmosphere calm and level-headed, the Daily Mail sports the headline 'James furious at Fabio Capello over World Cup opener snub', even though the article does not contain a single quote, not even a second-hand one, to support the story. Other pot shots at Robert Green include 'No excuse! Robert Green can't even find friends in the goalkeepers' union' and 'Calamity! Robert Green faces England axe after his howler hands Americans a draw'.
As for the Express, their stories are: ROBERT GREEN PLAYS GOLF AND FINDS A BALL GAME HE CAN GET TO GRIPS WITH and ROBERT GREEN SQUIRMS AS ENGLAND FLOP IN USA GAME.
The Mirror is host to 'The Rob Green debate'; "Drop or keep?" is the paper's big question, amongst revelations that the goalkeeper is "pleading for a second chance".
No pressure, eh?