She sprays insults around, blind to the massive contradictions that stare at her right in the face: Jan Moir is back.
Yes, her. Jan Moir. The tactless grief predator. The one who became an overnight sensation after penning a selection of vile homophobic cliches in the wake of Stephen Gately's death. The one who single-handedly clinched the national record for complaints to the PCC.
Well, Jan Moir is back. And, rest assured, she's still got her blinkers firmly on. Because she's just had a new philippic published that goes under the following headline: 'How much more of boobilicious, publicity-mad She-Chav Katie Price can we take?'
Now, dear Jan. It may as well be that you perversely enjoyed all the Stephen Gately-related backlash, what with being talked about so much and yours turning into a household name. That would explain your penchant for writing things that just don't add up. However, one may suspect you really aren't the brightest of columnists out there and that observation isn't your forte.
Because the same Daily Mail where your column is published - the very same one- sports a big picture of Katie Price at the top with the header 'I thought I was going to drown: Katie Price panics'. And it's been like that for years.
Type in 'Katie Price' in the Daily Mail's own search engine and you are returned with a whopping 796 results since 2001. Do the same with 'Jordan' and you get 3581 results and, no, they aren't about the middle-eastern country. That's almost two articles or photoshoots about "publicity-mad She-Chav Katie Price" a day.
Simply, the Daily Mail are obsessed with Jordan/Katie Price. Obsessed. So when Jan Moir touchingly writes that:
"Both [ITV and Katie Price] are desperate. The TV company needs the ratings fillip that such a controversial contestant will engender, while KP Nutty needs the prime-time opportunity to attempt to redeem her tattered reputation"the churno may as well be calling her own employers at the Daily Mail "desperate". Why else would they publish pictures of Katie and her plastic boobs almost twice daily? Come to think of it, why else would they employ someone like Jan Moir?
The bigot-of-the-year gets carried away, as usual. Like with the Gately piece, Moir's opinions quickly give way to a torrent of verbal diarrohea. The homophobe just can't help it. Peter Andre is "dim", she writes (pot and kettle!), while adding that "[Katie Price's] mastery of the sordid remains without compare".
Which must be why the Daily Mail decided to pepper Moir's piece with stills from the ITV show where Jordan's cleavage appears particularly prominent. Plus one under the waterfall, with tits firmly on display. Sordid or what?
But Moir carries on:
"In the summer, a stunt cooked up for tabloid newspapers saw a nearnaked Price on a massage table having her bottom fondled by the cage-fighter boyfriend in the garden of a Marbella golf hotel. While children looked on. Classy".The hack is probably referring to this "shameless" piece the Daily Mail published in August, complete with "nearnaked" photos and the caption: "no regard for modesty". Indeed a "stunt cooked up for tabloid newspapers". Classy, hey?
"[Katie Price]'s torrid attempts to gain publicity have become increasingly desperate as the year has progressed", Moir adds. In which case, rest assured, Katie, there will always be someone at the Daily Mail ready to parade your boobs to the wider public.