This week's news round-up

This week's news reassessed by Johnny Taronja

You had been warned. A few months ago we told you about Facebook's transition from brilliant idea to spamming feast. As the orgy of useless, harddrive-clogging applications runs unabated, this week the BBC revealed how some of the same irritating applications can actually be the perfect Trojan horse into your private details. If you're worried about potential identity theft in the guise of that hatched egg sent over by your mate Samantha, then find out more on this BBC page.

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Yesterday's council elections confirm the bleeding obvious: at this rate the Labour Party will disappear within five years. Brown and his mates took a spectacular drubbing as they lost just under 200 councillors across England and Wales. Granted, the collapse is partly due to the cracks of 11 years in power. Mainly, though, it's first-hand evidence that you can knock the stuffing out of a party and its history and enjoy short-term gains. But sooner or later the old chicken will come home to roost and smack you right in the face.

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Get used to his face because he's gonna be the talk of the town for a while. A year after Austria hit the headlines with the disclosure of Natasha's ordeal as the victim of a 10-year-long abduction, the police revealed details of a proper House of Horror in the subalpine town of Amstetten where 73-year-old Josef Fritzl managed to keep his daughter Elizabeth imprisoned for twenty four years in his cellar. Following a vile feast of abuse and incest he also fathered her seven children. To say that there's widespread disbelief at how the maniac managed to keep his secret for that long is to understate the facts a little. However opinion columns about the alleged ills of Austrian society are a bit misplaced. Unless you wanna think that Fred and Rose West were a fair representation of Gloucestershire.

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Fritzl's deeds are bound to provide the script to the goriest horror film of the 21st century. However, Spain's recent release, REC (directed by Jaume Balaguero), is going to put up some fierce opposition. Exploiting the sub-genre of faux-documentaries (remember Blair Witch Project?), REC contains all the ingredients to scare the living crap out of the viewer. An old, claustrophobic apartment block, a sanitary cordon that keeps it sealed off from the outside world and a pinch of 28 Days Later-like rage will certainly test your capacity to avoid soiling yourself.

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For the first time in 25 years England can proudly claim to host the best Football league in Europe. An all-English final in the Champions League is proof of the fantastic state of health of the Premier League. Watching Barcelona's stars helplessly lapdancing in front of Man Utd's defenders was quite a show. The English have finally learnt the art of defending. The only headache now is 80,000 English fans in Moscow. A very unfortunate choice of venue.

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What a week for Amy Winehouse. Perhaps her and Pete Doherty really should get together. Their careers are increasingly resembling similar patterns. As she was named holder of a £10m fortune, the Rehab star proceeded to celebrate in jail for assaulting a man. Yet she remains one of this generation's firmest idols. Look and learn kids. Get some coke up your nostrils, look like an extra from Shaun of the Dead and headbutt a pedestrian or two. You'll be in Heat before you know.