Saturday, May 03, 2008

Wayne and Waynetta's special day

The frivolous, ignorant, air-bubble world that the new generation of footballers and WAGs live in, made flesh. by Emma Munn


For most mere mortals, a wedding day needs to be saved for, assisted by generous parents or at worst, paid for by Barclays.

Footballer Wayne Rooney and his famous-for-going-out-with-a-footballer girlfriend Coleen McLoughlin however are spending £3 million on theirs. A humble amount that no doubt represents their frugal and demure lifestyle, God bless them.

The ceremony is taking place in the Cote D'Azur in France, and their guests are being flown over in specially chartered jets (environmentally aware? moi?) for the three-day bash (I bet OK! Magazine is pissing itself with excitement over this one) Cue the 'explosive' interviews... ad nauseum.

All of this begs the question, and please forgive my excessive use of punctuation;

What on EARTH can you spend £3 million on in 3 days??!!

Solid gold toilets? Toilet paper rolled on the virginal thighs of angels? Chanel napkins? Rare orchids for the buttonholes? Diamond studded cutlery? The Hope Diamond and Faberge eggs as centerpieces on the tables at the reception? And God knows what favours the guests are going to get. Ming vases?

The main problem I have with this is not the tableware, but the sheer immorality of it all. Spending the GNP of a small country on your wedding day is not only ridiculous but offensive. For example; £3 million could by vaccines for thousands of sick people in deprived countries, it could help build hospitals, schools, help vulnerable people... I'm not saying it's up to these two fine creatures to deal with that, but surely any normal person would feel just a little apprehensive and dare I say concerned about how this frivolity looks to the general public.

However, to poorly educated Chavs like these two, these kind of things do not cross their minds. Coleen once said, "Sometimes I feel bad that I've bought so much stuff and some people have nothing," and famously clings on to the fact that she supports charities (her sister unfortunatly suffers from Rett Syndrome, a rare genetic disorder related to Autism) cynics might say, to brush off her 'does nothing but sit on her arse and go shopping with Wayne's Visa' image, and maybe to justify her excessive spending. As if to say 'I do sumfink don't I? I may have just spent £6,000 on a handbag but I need it 'cos I'm going to a charity dinner tonight to raise money, innit.'

The fact is, if you are paid £35,000 a week from the age of 17, you aren't going to think about anything but Cristal and YSL underpants, are you?

1 comment:

Craig said...

Have you an idea of the pressure football players have to put up with???

Are you remotely aware of how distressful and psychologically devastating running after a ball is?

Have you got a clue about a footballer's contribution to society?

Give poor down-and-out Wayne a break! Let him savour his banquet and keep that envy of yours at bay.