Hardly a day goes by without the BBC knocking up a report or two looking like a cross between a filler, a pisstake and a plea to neutrality. Eager to leave behind the days of Gaza rows and Greg Dykes, the BBC decided to take a leaf out of Metro's book.
So come with us and meet the contemporary notion of BBC impartiality. Look at these recent headlines. Starting from today, the staggering Women pick up body odour better, with the added info that "Women may be better at sniffing out biologically relevant information from underarm sweat", as you do, which follows yesterday's astonishing revelation that "Scratching can stop an itch".
Then I learnt that Sisters make people happy ("sisters spread happiness while brothers breed distress, experts believe") and that there are "10 uses for a red rubber band" ("The Royal Mail is under pressure to stop its posties from dropping red rubber bands onto the ground").
However, if you were still doubting the irreplaceable public service that the BBC provides, look no further than the bombshell "What porn is really for", no doubt aiming at dispelling hairy palm-related myths.