Friday, April 04, 2008

The Week's News Round-up

Hagley Road's new weekly feature - Taronja reassesses this week's news

Hillary Clinton and the faux-snipers

She may be desperate but she's still getting away with truth-butchering. Hillary Clinton's devastating faux pas about her make-believe Bosnian ordeal would fare alright in a mental ward. Back in the 90s, her speech went, she came under heavy sniper-fire during her stateswoman-like tour of Bosnia-Herzegovina at the height of the Balkans war. Worse though, was her half-arsed confession of lying. "I misspoke", she said, "due to intense campaign-induced stress". That's what I call inspiring a generation. Try the same trick at your next job interview. Tell them your CV features chairing BP and NATO. If anyone objects, simply let them know you "misspoke". Due to intense job-hunting stress.

Que Viva Sophie!

When the murder of a beautiful, innocent 20-year-old girl is in any way related, there's no way it can come under the guise of good news. However, the two ghastly scumbags behind the ruthless killing of Sophie Lancaster were handed life sentences and that's the least justice could come up with. The case pointed up everything that's going to the pits in today's society. Britain's disturbing escalation of violence; herds of 15-year-old chavs roaming about at night while their parents couldn't care less; a local council that had money to waste on one of the murderer's hip hop video of glorified violence but not enough funds to hire a couple of park wardens. Rest in peace, Sophie.


Holier-than-thouTony Blair, the salesman of the Iraq war, the guy who presided over the most barefaced lie in British political history, the messianic Prime Minister who turned both blind eyes when Israel was bombing the crap out of Lebanon, and the list goes on (…) spoke of the need for more religion to be involved in order to resolve world conflicts. No doubt Osama bin Laden would be in perfect agreement with him on that one.

Cultural heat?

The money-making celebrity gazette Heat was praised across the board as the most popular magazine amongst British teenagers. A few eyebrows were raised as many wondered what the fuck is going on if a magazine solely based on Britney Spears' acne and Kerry Katona's pregnancies is officially sanctioned as culturally relevant. Until Philip Hensher of The Independent decided that the cynics were worth a spank or two. His argument? Heat may have been at the forefront of celebrity harassment and in bad taste a few times, he conceded, but Heat also stands for terrific values. And they would be…you may ask…? It doesn’t endorse stick-thin models and even condemned anorexia. Next. A mother hails her bully kid as a model of erudition. Why? He may be a bully, but at least he makes it to school once or twice a week. Hurray.

Rub your hands, lawyers. Morrissey is in town

Are you going to sue our arse, Morrissey, if we tell you that your libel actions left, right and centre are looking very off-putting? Mick Jagger, John Lennon, Bono and Paul Weller, Sting and the Gallaghers, Jarvis Cocker and Joe Strummer, John Lydon and Bryan Ferry, Boy George and Amy Winehouse all received at some point in their career some incredibly defamatory press coverage. He's lost it, he's loopy, he's delusional, he's a junkie and he's a terrorist, he's a communist and he's a charlatan, he's a fascist and he's stirring hatred and inciting drug use. But they didn't stoop as low as turning it into a libel exercise. My favourite rockstar isn't about libel action, Morrissey. Now, that's hurting your reputation, not shitty articles in the NME or Word magazine. Who, in turn, may sue us for calling their articles "shitty". After all, isn’t that also defamatory?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Blair is just a pathetic idiot who thinnks the world shines out of his hairy arse!