Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Highs and Lows of 2008

by Stan Moss and Claude

The economic crisis was a rude awakening after the Blairite binge of freelancers, wealth creators and billy bollocks. And the extent of the damage is only hitting home now, with Woolworths and others dropping like flies.

We typed up 'Mumbai attack' but then Israel's mass massacre in Gaza took place. A vicious circle of violence producing more fodder for the hate merchants.

Man of the year: Barack Obama. Twelve months ago his chances of making it to the White House were akin to Hull City netting the Premier League. Yet he trounced the Clintons first and McCain/Palin next and he's now the biggest hope the world's had in twenty years.

Over-rated MP. John Cruddas. If this is the Labour left's best hope, we are doomed.

Wisest politician. While Labour, Tories and Nick Clegg were all dancing to the same tune, Vince Cable had the sense to forewarn that Britain's sandcastle economy was about to collapse. No one paid heed.

Crappiest politician. Where do you begin? Off-your-arse-you-scrounger James Purnell and work-or-lose-home Caroline Flint for picking on the weakest targets. John Hutton for unashamedly licking big business' arses. Kim Howells for flirting with Colombia's paramilitary. Derek Con way. John Redwood for going baaaaa about the crisis. George Osborne for not having a clue about what it feels like not to be loaded from day one. [and the list goes on...]

Top blog of the year: Chicken Yoghurt. Witty, outspoken, dysfunctional, informative...it's my new favourite website. Just take a look for yourself.

Shit blog of the year: I have one firmly in mind and it's called something like Ich werde vollgeschissen or something. But a link would grant it free publicity which, given how desperate they are (he is) for attention, would be the wrong thing to do.

Fetish of the year: Cheryl Cole. With Britain in short supply of saints to idolise, literally not a single day goes by without tabloids reporting astonishing exclusive news of the Bless-her-of-the-Year prize winner leaving the house, breathing, walking, sobbing, smiling, drinking water, existing. Awww.

Crusade of the year
: The Sun Their Baby P "crusade" turned into a voodoo a-la Invasion of the Body Snatchers with a precise, nasty political agenda.

Achievement of the year: The sacking of Jon Gaunt. Excuse my language, but I almost spunked. Especially when the miserable right-wing bilebag started clutching at human rights. Him!
Best album: Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, Dig Lazarus Dig!!!. He's hit 50 and he's on top form. Nick Cave's a rare example of an artist improving with age. Like a bottle of fine Shiraz.

Best new band: Glasvegas. There's just something about them. A breath of fresh air, perhaps? The NME called it best new band in Britain. We beg to agree.

Most under-rated act: Paul Heaton. His second life (or third, actually, after The Housemartins and The Beautiful South) produced one of the most exciting albums of the year. It may have slipped under the radar, but his album The Cross Eyed Rambler is 10 out of 10.

Most irritating music act: Katy Perry. When a song is played more than 30 times a day on the radio it turns annoying. Throw in plasticky poses, superprocessed crap voice and cringeworthy lyrics and it's like being hit by a wet plimsoll. Please be a one hit wonder!

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