Friday, December 19, 2008

The most overrated bands in history - Part 2

"Seriously??? How can you not like (...)?"
By Emma Munn

Coldplay
It beggars belief how a band who's singer sounds like a cross between an out of tune Thom Yorke and a trapped cat could be so successful. Bland, insipid, with all the appeal of soggy egg sandwiches on a crap school trip, combined with aimless 'anti-poverty' rhetoric, made all the more pointless by the fact that the band has no idea what the phrase means.

U2
A group of old sods who have been reliant on the same one-string, delay-drowned note for 30 years, fronted by a man with such a superiority complex he makes Phil Collins sound like a manic depressive. The trouble is, they really think they're the best thing since sliced bread. Like a bunch of embarrassing dads.

The Stone Roses
Delusional singer, tuneless, droning dirges a speciality, eerily reminiscent of an irritating student who wants to impress as he goes on and on about how 'fucked' he is. Pathetic.

Queen
Forget the death of Freddie Mercury. Here you have the tackiest, most un-ironically naff band to ever grace this earth, combined with a hefty amount of sheer B-side fodder hidden behind 4 or 5 'classics'. The biggest shame of all is nobody handed Brain May a pair of clippers in 30 years.

Madonna
Arrogant, disgusting, middle-aged cunt who spends her days strapped up in lycra, inflicting her sinewy husk of a body on the public. Can't sing at all. Famous solely for shagging about. Retire, now.

Mark Ronson
Take a well-known song, shove some deeply irritating horns over the top, get the flavour of the month to sing it, then claim world fame. Nothing to do with famous mummy and daddy, obviously. Talentless prat.

Ozzy Osbourne
Bumbling dick who releases laughable cover albums, and has made a living from getting his family to humiliate themselves on television, if you overlook his pitiful career in Black Sabbath. Not forgetting his bat-head antics and pissing on the Alamo. Rock and Roll, man.

Girls Aloud
The Spice Girls, except more like over-buffed fem-bots, and you're not allowed to say they're manufactured tripe because they're all indie now. They walk, they talk, they drink, they swear, and one of them is like, soooo rock & roll because she drinks Jack Daniels from a bottle and hangs around with the Arctic Monkeys. We wait with baited breath until they fall into the abyss, stupid twats.

George Michael
Would rather spend time cottaging in Hyde Park than writing songs. Also responsible for one of the worst facial-hair atrocities in the world. What a waste of talent.
(Read Part 1 here)

5 comments:

thepatriot said...

"Pitiful career in Black Sabbath"???
Don't be too harsh love, they're not all as successful as you...

Emma said...

Bloody hell. Well you do have a fair point there, thepatriot. If folk like you are commenting on my posts, we really don't have a very eloquent readership, do we?

I take it that you mean you can't criticise Ozzy unless you're more famous than him. Fancy that.

Or how about Britney Spears, or Beyonce Knowles, or Rod Stewart... Or anyone else super-famous?

Seriously, What planet are you on? This shows how much of a sheep you are. And also how simple too, really. Why don't you give us a few examples of groups you don't like, then we can start dissecting how famous they are compared to you and therefore whether they're allowed to be slagged off.

I can just imagine you at school in your ankle-swingers (or rather, a smelly trenchcoat and greasy hair, considering you're a Sabbath fan), taking the piss out of people who don't like Star Wars, and calling them ignorant.

A word to the moron: Some people have different tastes to yours. Deal with it and stop being such a baby, 'love'.

Richard Smalley said...

Silly girl

Anonymous said...

At last someone else who sees Ozzy osbourne for what he is! I havenàt got a problem as such with Black Sabbath thought they were never my cup of tea.
But Ozzy, p-l-e-a-s-e.
Heàs an absolute knob of the highest order. he snorted ants! Wow! You think that's cool? how old's your brain, 12? Do you still rinse your face with Clearasil?

Emma said...

Well, Richard, I'd have thought with all that travelling you'd have a bit of a broader mind than that. Tut tut.