Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Hold your bladder...

...greedy Ryanair are really going to start charging for toilet use.

The idea was announced last year, but at the time Michael O'Leary's company claimed they were only exploring the option. Now, it appears, the plan is really going to go ahead.

Ryanair are going to charge passengers £1 or 1Euro for using their onboard toilets. In fact we should say toilet, using the singular, because part of the plan is to actually to get rid of two out of three loos on each aircraft so that Ryanair can stick a few extra seats in, presumably with minimal leg room, and make an extra bob or two.

I know it's the Daily Mail who did the maths, but apparently that means one cubicle for up to 189 passengers. Bet that's gonna smell fresh.

The gobby airline has an explanation for everything. Their spokesman said: "by charging for the toilets, we are hoping to change passenger behaviour so that they use the bathroom before or after the flight".

Right. I see. So it's behavioural engineering they're interested in, and not squeezing your purse/wallet til literally your last drop of piss.

In which case, cancel that flight, thou who sufferest from cystitis, or who was blessed with a weak bladder, or who simply hast to go and take a slash more often than your steel-bladdered fellow traveller. Or a pregnant lady who tends to feel desperate for a wee every ten minutes. Or you who's about to shit yourself.

Whenever and wherever you can, do not travel Ryanair. Be a conscious consumer and look for the most suitable alternative.

Because what the bastards are not telling you is that it's not just the two-hour flight. There's the boarding, there's the sometimes unpredictable time on the tarmac. And there's also the bit where you wait to get off.

Like this chap rightly wrote here, this goes beyond the choice of paying for an extra bag or shelling £7 for a withered onboard sandwich. Needing a wee is not something you can opt for. There is no alternative. Especially when you're 30,000 feet up in the air. They might as well charge you for a sick bag and dress it up as "changing passenger behaviour". They probably will.

So perhaps you can do one thing. Hold it til the last minute before you get off and, while no-one's looking, piss all over the seat. If anyone asks, just say you didn't have any spare change for the coin slot.


Anita said...

I remember last year Ryanair were also discussing the introduction of standing tickets during flights. Really there seems to be no limit to these people's cupidity.

Mark said...

Just had a look at the Ryanair website. You know, for a laugh. It looks like some kind of amalgam of a million and nine different holding pages. I pity anyone who feels it necessary even attempt navigation of such a mess, let alone pay to piss.