Social engineering is back

The Conservatives are publishing their recommendations. Don't worry if your husband beats you. Iain Duncan Smith tells you why you should stick together.

What better way to publicise their proposals than in the wake of Baby P's death and the 'blood on their hands' groundwork done by the tabloids? Back-to-basics Tories and social engineering are back with a bang. Iain Duncan Smith, former Conservative leader and now David Cameron's advisor on 'social breakdown' has published his recommendations.

'Informal' relationships are to be discouraged. The idea is that unmarried couples are behind a good chunk of Britain's ills. If you're not married but you have a partner you may be more likely to slap a child or fraud the system in your quest for council flat Eldorado. There will also be "a series of measures to make marriage more attractive and divorce more difficult."

Have you just discovered your hubbie has smelly feet? Worse, are you enduring some old-skool beating from him? Calm down, you woman and take a breath. Iain Duncan Smith found out that you shouldn't give up. If you do, you contribute to the breakdown of society, that entity that never used to exist but then came back from the wilderness right in the middle of its breakdown. In any case, tax breaks for married couples should do the job. Sod that black eye, your National Insurance contributions will be a little lower.

Of course the Tories aren't doing that because they're bad or backward-looking. IDS explains his ideas are based on statistics. They're all saying cohabiting couples went from 10 per cent in 1988 to 25 per cent today. Shit. That's where all that knife crime and crack consumption comes from.