Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Hideous reviews (1)

Professional music reviews. A land that the words absurd, obscure and warped can't even remotely describe.

Have you got some paracetamol at hand? Because, like we did back in 2005, we're gonna take you through another psychedelic trip of ridiculous professional music reviews. A land that the words absurd, obscure and warped can't even remotely describe. Whoremongering, skank and sonic menagerie, horizontal guitars, Aeolian e-bow hums and molten lava flow of electic guitars... As you wonder what mind-enhancing product those reviewers have taken to write such bullshit, remember that they are supposed to guide you through your music purchases.

"It's eclectic stuff - mordant skank Mr Magnifico brings in Latin brass for its ambivalent tale of
whoremongering, while the entrancing, bittersweet drone Lavander sees singer and string section morphing into one luminous sound painting of sunshine on water".
(Ian Harrison, new albums reviews, Q magazine - Aug 2008)


"This follow-up to 2003's abrasive Pressure broadens his musical palette, with digi-dub, moody techno, and deranged dubstep adding weight to Martin's winning sonic menagerie".
(Simon McEwen, new albums reviews, Q magazine - Aug 2008)


"Rumbling drums, atmospheric washes of guitar and disembodied falsetto vocals ebb and flow with no clear delineation between tracks, gradually building to a climax at the album's midway point with
The Crowned's tribal drumming and densely packed layers of sound, before fading out gradually overthe album's second half".
(Chris Cottingham, new albums reviews, Q magazine - Aug 2008)


"The principle of these highly pleasant, improvised ambient recordings is set on the opener 'Land Beyondthe Forest', warm, tonal, reverberant, in the grand, awning material of Harold Budd. Theo Travis' Arcadian flute and Robert Fripp's horizontal guitar stylings convey unspoilt, unpopulated land, sea andairscapes, with the backdrop occasionally varying, as on the spangled and Aeolian 'Before Then'.
(David Stubbs, reviews albums, UNCUT - Sep 2008)


"They're unlikely to make you ponder your navel and cry, but certain to get you smashing things up with wanton cathartic aggression. Splendid deadbeat drums, lumbering bass and wilfully mis-tuned guitars urge Rivka Guilleron's voice to yelp and admonish".
(Chris Roberts, reviews albums, UNCUT - Sep 2008)

"Opener 'Alone With the Alone' solitary E minor chord comes laced with e-bow hums, Robbie Basho-likeraga extemporisations and, later, molten lava floes of electric guitar, while the less feral but equally potent'Strangled Road' finds Chasny rummaging in the psychic backwoods while rainy acoustic guitars thrum and fiancee' Elisa Ambroglio (of noiseniks the Magik Markers) lends the sensual vocal counterpoint".
(David Sheppard, filter albums, Mojo - Dec 2007)

Who are these people?

1 comment:

Jukebox Review said...

Dudeman,

We love music reviews. We like your take on crappy reviewers.

What about great reviews of crappy music.

I you can be bothered, listen to our show 001 for a music review to see if you can guess who its about.

Also, listen to our music review of Dido's new album in 009.

We're enjoying your blog the more we read.

Robot love

Honey and Dick
Jukebox Review